The last blog was discussing the importance of good companionship within marriage. Another aspect of kind treatment is for each muslim to remove the fairytale images of marriage out of their minds as no one is a perfect person or spouse and truly understand that the same way they are far from perfect so are others. Meaning, the same way one makes mistakes so do others and the same way one would like others to overlook and forgive them so should they overlook and forgive the mistakes of others. Chapter 24 An Nur, verse 22:
“…and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?…”
This is even more important for married couples as not overlooking and letting things go will only ever lead to strain in their marriage. Each muslim should learn to let things go and not hold on to grudges thereby using the past mistakes of their spouse against them. Unfortunately, this mentality is very common in muslims today they refuse to let things go and remind others of their mistakes even decades later. This not only reduces the chances of them being forgiven by Allah, the Exalted, but also leads to enmity and difficulties in their relationships. As a married couple spend much time together this type of attitude can be disastrous. Learning to let things go not only makes one a better muslim and increases their chance of being forgiven by Allah, the Exalted, but it also creates respect and love for them in the heart of their spouse. This will cause their spouse to strive harder to please them. Apart from unlawful things a muslim should learn to let other smaller issues go and not turn them into a big deal. It is sad to hear that married couples often argue over petty things. The one who nitpicks will never have a successful marriage. They will only make their own and the lives of others difficult. If Allah, the Exalted, does not nitpick even though He has knowledge over all things neither should muslims if they desire to find some joy in their relationships especially, marriage. This is why the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, advised in a Hadith found in Sahih Muslim, number 3645, that a person should not dislike their spouse over a characteristic they possess as they might possess other characteristics which are pleasing to them. This Hadith also advises that a muslim should try to observe their spouse in a positive way instead of always observing or assessing their negative characteristics. It does not mean they should behave as if their spouse is perfect. It means they should not nitpick at minor negative characteristics while gently encouraging them to abandon them with the passing of time. There is a vast difference between completely ignoring the negative characteristics of others and acting as if they are perfect and concentrating on their positive aspects while gently advising them to change for the better. People very rarely change overnight so muslims should be patient as it takes time to change negative characteristics.
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