In a Hadith found in Sahih Bukhari, number 5090, the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, advised that a person is married for four reasons: their wealth, lineage, beauty or for their piety. He concluded by warning that a person should marry for the sake of piety otherwise they will be a loser.
It is important to understand that the first three things mentioned in this Hadith are very transient and imperfect. They may give someone temporary happiness but ultimately these things will become a burden for them as they are linked to the material world and not to the thing which grants ultimate and permanent success namely, faith. One only needs to observe the rich and famous in order to understand that wealth does not bring happiness. In fact, the rich are the most unsatisfied and unhappy people on Earth. Marrying someone for the sake of their lineage is foolish as it does not guarantee the person will make a good spouse. In fact, if the marriage does not work out, it destroys the family bond the two families possessed before the marriage. Marrying only for the sake of beauty meaning, love, is not wise as this is a fickle emotion which changes with the passing of time and with one’s mood. How many couples supposedly drowned in love ended up hating each other?
But it is important to note, that this Hadith does not mean one should find a spouse who is poor, as it is important to get married to someone who can financially support a family. Neither does it mean one should not be attracted to their spouse, as this is an important aspect of a healthy marriage. But this Hadith means that these things should not be the main or ultimate reason someone gets married. The main and ultimate quality a muslim should look for in a spouse is piety. This is when a muslim fulfills the commands of Allah, the Exalted, refrains from His prohibitions and faces destiny with patience according to the traditions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Put simply, the one who fears Allah, the Exalted, will treat their spouse well in both times of happiness and difficulty. On the other hand, those who are irreligious will mistreat their spouse whenever they are upset. This is one of the main reasons why domestic violence has increased amongst muslims in recent years. And even when they are pleased with their spouse, they will still fail to fulfil their rights because of their ignorance, which piety helps to remove. Chapter 35 Fatir, verse 28:
“…Only those fear Allāh, from among His servants, who have knowledge…”
Finally, the pious person is always more concerned about fulfilling the rights of others, such as their spouse, then they are concerned about people fulfilling their rights. This is because they understand that Allah, the Exalted, will question them whether or not they fulfiled the rights of people. He will not ask them if people fulfilled their rights, as this will be dealt with when Allah, the Exalted, questions others, not when He questions them. Whereas, the impious Muslim will only ever care about their rights, rights that they have taken from society, culture, fashion and their imagination and not from Islam. As a result, they will never be truly pleased with their spouse, even if their spouse fulfills their rights according to the teachings of Islam. This is the reason why ignorance of Islam and divorces are so strongly linked.
Finally, if a muslim desires to get married they should firstly obtain the knowledge associated with it, such as the rights they owe their spouse, the rights they are owed from their spouse and how to correctly deal with one’s spouse in different situations. Unfortunately, ignorance of this leads to many arguments and divorces as people demand things which their spouse is not obliged to fulfill. Therefore, knowledge, which is the root of piety, is the foundation of a healthy and successful marriage.
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