Respecting Parents –
Abu Umama, may Allah be pleased with him, desired to leave with the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, in the mission which eventually lead to the Battle of Badr, but was commanded to remain behind to take care of his sick mother, who later died. This has been discussed in Imam Muhammad As Sallaabee’s, The Noble Life of the Prophet (PBUH), Volume 1, Pages 1011-1012.
Even though leaving with the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was a highly important task and virtue yet he was commanded to remain behind and nurse his sick mother. This indicates the importance of respecting and honouring parents at all times.
One can understand the importance of treating their parents with the utmost care seeing as it has been placed second only to the worship of Allah, the Exalted, in many verses. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verse 83:
“…Do not worship except Allah; and to parents do good…”
One must therefore ensure they treat their parents according to the teachings of Islam with respect and good behaviour. This also applies even if one’s parent is a non-muslim. This has been advised in a Hadith found in Sahih Muslim, number 2325. In addition, verse 83 also makes this point as it does not command one to only treat their muslim parents kindly. This is best achieved when one treats their parent how they desire to be treated by their own children.
It is important to note that the Holy Quran does not command total obedience of one’s parents, as they may well command their child to disobey Allah, the Exalted. Total obedience is only for Allah, the Exalted, and His Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, as the latter will only command the obedience of Allah, the Exalted. Therefore, parents must not misinterpret the teachings of Islam by claiming that their children must show them total obedience and submission under every situation. Sadly, this attitude amongst muslim parents has become quite widespread as they adopted the cultural practices of other religions which equate the total obedience towards parents with the total obedience one shows to their God. Children are permitted to disagree with their parents, even in matters which are lawful in Islam, but they must maintain respect through their speech and actions towards their parent at all times.
Finally, a muslim must strive to be a good child according to the standard set by Allah, the Exalted, not the standard set by their parents, relatives or society. The standards of people, especially when defining a good child, is often incorrect. Therefore, a muslim must not bother with the standard set by people nor should they take notice of those who label them a bad child. Instead, they must adhere to the teachings of Islam in respect to how one must treat their parent and seek reward from Allah, the Exalted, for their conduct, even if their parents or other people are displeased with them. One must seek the validation and approval of Allah, the Exalted, alone, not the validation of approval of people, such as their parents. The incorrect attitude will only cause one to become insincere to Allah, the Exalted, and may even encourage them to disobey Allah, the Exalted, in order to obtain the approval and validation of their parents. Chapter 29 Al Ankabut, verse 8:
“And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them…”
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